Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Christmas meteor

As most of you know, every year on December 26, "the Committee" takes a vote to determine which neighborhood showed the most depressing lack of Christmas spirit. I'm talking about those neighborhoods where NOBODY puts up any Christmas lights. Or even those blue Jewish lights. (Do Muslims put up green lights? I think they should.)

This "Christmas decor" business isn't just a matter of fun and frivolity. People who don't get into the spirit of the season face serious consequences.

If the Committee discovers a truly depressing neighborhood, that neighborhood is in danger of bwing wiped out by the Christmas meteor.

Don't let this happen to you. Put up some sort of decoration NOW.

As Ann Coulter likes to remind us, "Saying Merry Christmas is just like saying Fuck you!" Be like Ann -- preserve the true meaning of this most sacred of occasions. Put up some damn lights now or you may doom everyone around you.

And while you're at it, maybe you should buy a couple of those light-up reindeers that can move their necks. Also, I like penguins. Buy a huge inflatable Christmas penguin and put it on your front lawn.

Jesus deserves nothing less.

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